On Jesus

At times it may seem that I am tormented by my belief in Jesus. Torment is a little harsh but I do admit it is an ongoing mind-game/discovery of who Jesus is and the part that he played in my life.

These days I lean much more towards the view that Jesus was a man -- an incredible man. To be honest I think that I am finding more value in that then to believe that he was an 'all-knowing, all-powerful' God -- more on that some other time.

Savior, martyr, brother, friend, God -- Jesus has been all of these to me.

I realized that if I am to praise God for every wonderful event or day in my life then it is only logical and fair to also blame him/(her, it) for every crisis or event that has brought me heartache and pain. Above all, I believe that the God of my world is a loving God -- Love has no room for blame. Therefore, as much as it has been a struggle at times, I have found that the only way to move away from the 'blame game' is to desert it all together and move from a belief in a personal God to a non-personal God -- one that is not so much more distant than it is mysterious.

So I struggle today in where it is that Jesus stands with me. I would not be the person I am today if not for my belief in Jesus. Yet today I view the impact that Jesus had on my life almost in terms of 'my imaginary friend Jesus', as in "what you give power to, has power". I am not completely clear on this but the best way I can describe it is moving from the person of Jesus, solely to the spirit of Jesus--the man.